Dreaming of Shadows
by darkotter
Summary: Allen is stuck within the world of dreams after encountering an Innocence. And the only one willing-or forced into it-is Kanda. The exorcist has to navigate through the nightmares to find Allen's mind. Yullen Ch 5
1. Chapter 1

So I thought of this story a bit ago, and I wanted to post something before I went on vacation. xD So please read! AND REVIEW!

Contains: Yullen, random stuff from my head, things directly from the latest chapters (property of Hoshino), and spoilers!

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_Chapter 1: Twisted Dreams_

"...What, why do I have to do it? I don't care about the Moyashi!" the samurai snapped angrily. "I don't care if his minds off in some other place other than his mind." He had his arms across his chest, glaring at Komui. The older man pushed his glasses higher onto the bridge of his nose.

"Kanda, I know you don't like him, but this is serious," Komui said, eyes not leaving the exorcist in front of him. "And you're the only one whose here at the moment, who is in a good enough condition to do something like this."

Kanda rolled his eyes. "Tch," he grunted. He had to be careful, because he was hiding his feelings about the silver haired exorcist. But he wasn't about to admit it. And he didn't want to be thrust into the 'mission', which would no doubt make him closer to Allen.

"If we don't get his mind back, then-"

"Then we lose a valuable weapon, we lose the Destroyer of Time, the promised one, I know," he said, running out of what little patience he had. "I don't want anything to do with this though. I don't really care what happens with the Order, you know this, Komui."

"Kanda," Komui said sharply, also losing his patience. "This is a mission, and you'll do it. We _need_ Allen Walker. He's a very important part of this, and to lose another exorcist...You know that no one needs more blows to their emotions..."

"Ok, I get it," he muttered. What he guilt tripping him or something? "Information then?"

"Please sit then," Komui said motioning to the couch. Kanda sat down, looking a bit annoyed. "As you know, Allen went on a mission into Siberia. We received contact with him and his group, Noise and Lenalee, a few days later, saying that they were near the Innocence, and there was an active Akuma nest close by."

"I know all this," the samurai said his tone annoyed. "Tell me something I don't know, why don't you?"

"Sometimes the background information is important to, Kanda," Komui said, fixing him in his gaze. "But alright. They were hunting the Innocence, and they knew where it was, and where the Akuma were hiding out as well. They managed to get into the old cemetery where it was without detection. But as they tried to pinpoint the exact place where the Innocence was hidden, they were attacked. During the fighting, Allen found the Innocence."

"Not a big deal, he's found Innocence before," he grunted, arms still crossed over his chest. "Why was this any different?"

"We don't exactly know what happened. Lenalee's still recovering, and Noise said that all he wasn't in the area. He heard something, but couldn't identify what it was. He said it could've been an Akuma, or something else, but it was strange. Then the crypt where Allen and the Innocence collapsed," Komui said, glancing at his notes. "When Noise got over there and dug Allen out, he was in the condition he is in now; the Innocence by his side."

"And what exactly is Moyashi's condition?" he asked.

"If we go off all the readings of our machines, he should be fine. He's in perfect medical condition, besides the fact that he isn't waking up. Bookman has looked at him as well as the doctors and they can find no reason for him still being asleep. If this was a normal concussion, Allen Walker would've woken up by now," the Science Director finished, elbows on his desk, fingers together before him. "That is the situation."

Kanda looked at him, glaring. "And what exactly am I supposed to do?"

"I've told you the basics," Komui said.

"Tell me again," Kanda stated flatly. "Just so I can make sure you're as crazy as you're sounding."

Komui sighed softly. "We need someone to...go into Allen Walker's mind, and to see what's happened. He isn't brain dead, he doesn't have the signs of a concussion. In all respects, its like he's dreaming."

"So why can't you just let him wake up?" Kanda asked. Going into someone's mind was...to get very close to them. It was a bit dramatic. Kanda would go with someone in the sense of take your clothes off and get on your hands and knees, but to go into someone's mind? He didn't know if this was a line he wanted to cross.

"Its been a week, Kanda," Komui pointed out. "The longer he stays asleep, dreaming or whatever it is...the less chance we have of reviving him. We need him. And we're lost on why he's still there. The Innocence must've triggered something, or done something in the very least that isn't allowing Allen to wake up."

Kanda was silent for a moment, dark eyes on the Head of the Science Department. Komui met his gaze evenly. "So...say I accept this mission, to go into Moyashi's mind...how exactly would I get there?" he asked, looking disinterested.

"We have methods. Machines and medicine that will help. And you will be willing to go into his mind. If you aren't willing, even if you pretend to be willing to us, the mind knows, and it won't let you in," Komui said. "This much we know. Also, Allen's...nightmares..."

"I can handle anything the idiotic Moyashi has in his mind," Kanda said flatly. "Like anything in his head would be scarier than anything I've faced."

Komui was silent for a moment. "The mind is a dangerous thing, you know that, and delicate. Be sure that you don't unbalance it, or else he might fall into a coma. There is also the possibility that you will get stuck in there, but the chance of that is very low. Make sure you mark where you entered, so you can exit. I feel this will take more than one try. If it only took one try, it would be a miracle."

"I don't believe in miracles, Komui. Don't waste your breath," Kanda grunted. "...When do we start?"

"If you're ready, now," Komui said, getting up from his place behind his desk.

"Tch. Of course I'm ready," Kanda said, getting up as well. He shook hair away from his face, the dark sheets of ebony rippling in the light. Then he straightened. "Well, where to?" Komui led the way from the office and down the hall to the infirmary. There were several people there, all surrounding the bed of the exorcist in question. They were murmuring, watching Bookman, who was leaning close.

"Komui," one of the people said and pulled back. Slowly the crowd dissipated, leaving only Bookman beside Allen's bed. The old man looked up. "There is no change in his condition, Komui. Are you going to try it?" The man nodded, glancing at Kanda. "Kanda's going to try?" He nodded again.

"Can you get me Reever and Johnny, and the others?" Komui asked the elder man.

"Alright," he said and straightened.

"Sorry, I'm treating you like a messenger," Komui said apologetically.

The old man shook his head. "I take no offence. I'll tell them that they're needed," he stated and left the room. Kanda watched him go, looking bored. The bespecticalled man glanced over at the exorcist.

"Are you sure you're up to this?" he asked. "Going into someone's mind is a very...intimate thing."

"I already said I would do it, so stop bugging me," Kanda snapped. He knew that it would be intimate, and that it might make the chances of him letting the Moyashi be zero, but he had said he would do it, and he didn't go against his word.

"Alright, alright," Komui said as the door to the infimary room opened, and the science team came in, with several different machines and papers. Kanda stood off to the side, watching the team set everything up. "Now, Kanda, you'll have to go to sleep as well...I guess you've figured that out already." The exorcist nodded shortly. "We'll help you with that."

"We're all set, Komui," Johnny said glancing over through his swirling glasses. "You ready Kanda?"

"Yes, I'm ready. Everyone stop asking me that," he snapped and went over to the bed where the scientist was motioning. He unhooked his sword, leaning it against the wall then lay down.

"This might feel a bit weird," Komui said. Kanda rolled his eyes. They looped one of Kanda's arms with a band, that would take readings, then set censors on the samurai's forehead. These would connect him partially to the silver haired exorcist in the bed next to him, they told him. The Innocence was also present, in case it was needed. "You'll need to close your eyes."

Kanda did so. He felt them place a needle against the skin in the inside of his elbow; felt it go in. He didn't flinch. It wasn't that bad, just sent a tingling feeling shooting up his arm. He fought to stay silent as the feeling spread throughout his body. The point in which the drug had been injected was aching now. He opened his eyes slightly, with diffeculty. "What...the hell'd you do...to me..." he managed to get out. His eyelids felt very heavy.

"Close your eyes, Kanda. And just let through. You have to be willing to go in. Just relax," Komui said, and his voice sounded far away. Kanda let his eyes close again with a small grunt. He didn't like the feeling of not being in control. He forced himself to relax, a calm setting in. Just like meditating, except for the numb feeling now replacing the tingling.

And then he was jerked so suddenly and jarringly he thought he had fallen from the bed. He let out a sudden yell, eyes opening swiftly. But instead of finding himself standing, or rather lying, on the white floor of the infirmary, he was standing in a dark space.

He blinked slowly, looking around at the same pace. He had a feeling he was getting there. His gaze stopped where the darkness seemed to lighten just a little. He decided to head in that direction, keeping in mind what Komui had said about marking where he entered.

His boots made no sound as he walked across the dark surface. It surrounded him completely, except for the point he was walking towards. As he neared, he saw a door. It was a plain door, nothing too special. If there was a door, then why would Kanda have to mark it? He frowned then reached for the doorknob.

He turned it. It opened without a sound. Seriously, he needed some sort of noise. The silence was suffocating. The door opened to somewhere much brighter than the place he was in and he was blinded. He blinked swiftly, trying to clear his vision, then stepped through into the silver exorcist's mind.

As he did so, Kanda experienced the same feeling he had falling into the world of dreams. It started as a tingle, became an ache, then turned numb. Gradually the feeling went away. He looked at his surroundings as the feeling disappeared, able to focus once more.

Now that he really looked, the space that spread out in almost all directions—except for the door which stood alone without a wall—was filled with a rather dim light, although compared to the blackness of the void space he had just been in, it had been blinding. Strewn around him were ruins. Except he recognized nothing of these odd structures. Their architecture was new to him, as were the objects throughout the rubble. Something that blinked a weak red light caught his attention for a moment, then he looked away.

"What the hell is this?" he muttered. "Damn, Moyashi...your brain is strange..."

He was about to walk away from the door, when he remembered what Komui had told him. "...Mark the place...with what?! Everything looks the same..." He thought for a moment, then an idea came to mind. "...Might work, since its part of me." He took hold of a metal fragment and cut his hand. He grunted, then smeared the door with his blood, across in a large arch. Some had dripped from his hand onto the ground. "If that doesn't work, I don't know what else I'd do..."

His hand was already healing. With that, he turned away from the door, and started to pick through the rubble. He was some twenty meters from the doorway when a deep vibration sounded through the dreamworld. Hand going to his head, Kanda looked around.

_Stupid child...did you really think that the host body for the 14th could be without sin?_

"What the hell is that?!" Kanda growled, hand still at his head. The voice was dripping with dark amusement, and seemed to come from everywhere. It reverberated through the destroyed city. "Ow...Damn, that hurts my head...."

_You didn't bring salvation to all those tarnished souls, it was the left hand of God. _Your_ soul is the one that needs to be saved._

"Oi! Moyashi? Can you hear me?" Kanda called. His voice echoed, somewhat similar to the voice that had just spoken once more, worming its way into his head like a parasite. He grunted, hand still at his head. "Stop being a bastard and get back to the real world!"

Silence answered him. He didn't think Allen could even hear him. And then he heard someone say the Moyashi's name. This voice was much different than the one that had spoken moments before. It was joyous and something in it seemed to have a pull to it.

They spoke again. Kanda started to run through the city, following the sound of its voice. This was like a maze and the voice of the unknown person echoed slightly. Finally skidding around a corner, he found the source of the voice. He stared.

A Clown stood there, in a small space. Before him, the one he was searching for was pinned against the wall with his own sword. But as the Clown spoke again, Allen pulled away from the wall, eyes wide with what Kanda identified as shock. He reached for the Clown's hand and before Kanda's eyes, he turned to a young child.

"Moyashi!" Kanda snapped, but the boy didn't notice. The Clown was pulling him away, the boy smiling, but having trouble keeping up with the adults quick pace.

And then every was spinning. The figure of Allen and the Clown were dissolving. Allen's mind was shifting. "Damn it," the samurai hissed to himself, turning in a circle. He was getting a bit dizzy with the speed of which the world was spinning and melting. "My head..."

He closed his eyes in an attempt to block out the swirling of black and grey. And then it felt like he was falling. He jerked sideways, another strong jolt. "Ak!" he opened his eyes swiftly, hand going up quickly to break his fall. Except he found that he wasn't falling. He looked around. It seemed like he was under water, except something thicker than water. He could breathe though.

The only point that looked different was a glowing red trail. His blood. Now he realized that if he hadn't done that, he probably would've wandered around aimlessly in the the grey sea. Turning, he started down the path. Soon he came to the door. It was the same door, streaked with his blood. The blood glowed brightly. He opened it, going through into the darkness.

The feelings of tingling, aching and numbness came crashing down on him much more suddenly than it had come the first time. He let out a gagging gasp. He felt like he was flipped upsidedown. And then he jerked violently and his eyes opened. Kanda was looking up at the white ceiling of the infirmary. He was panting slightly.

"Kanda? Did you find anything out?" Komui came into view. Kanda pushed himself up to a sitting position.

"Yeah. Moyashi's brain is a weird thing," he muttered. "And that I have to mark the door with blood or else I would've been lost."

"Did you use your hand?" Komui asked, looking curious. Kanda looked at him sharply, but nodded. "Your palm started to bleed, but it healed. We wondered what had happened."

"...Well," he muttered. "Its going to take more than one trip. I didn't get to him at all. He didn't even hear me."

"I think if you try again, you might get through to him...How'd you try to contact him?"

"I shouted at him. That usually works," Kanda stated flatly, pulling the censors from his head.

"Try something...more subtle, maybe?" Komui suggested.

"...Okay, fine," Kanda said with a grunt. "I'll try again." He couldn't get the feeling of Allen out of him. He had gone into his head. It was...very intimate. He shook his head vigorously, trying to get the feeling out of his head.

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It was short...ish...

Please review!! I live for them!


	2. Chapter 2

I can't seem to make these chapters as long as the TVI chapters. I want to make them longer, but I can't. xD So, you get a shortish-medium length chapter. I hope you like it. Please review!

Yullen

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Chapter 2: In Your Mind

Kanda couldn't get the images of Allen's nightmares out of his head. They were haunting and he really didn't want to think about it. But the boy...they were _his_ nightmares. How did he feel? To have things like that running through his head every night? He wondered if that was a normal thing for Allen. He'd find out. He would have to go back and try again. This time, he had to try a more subtle approach, instead of yelling at him.

The samurai muttered to himself, not at all in the mood of eating. Komui had said to leave it a day or so, to see if anything had happened. Nothing happened, of course. Kanda didn't think it would. It would take more than one try but he guessed Komui wanted to take readings on the exorcist currently stuck in his dream land. Pushing away from the table, he left the dining hall.

"Oi, Komui," he said and pushed the door of the directors door open without knocking.

"Would it kill you to knock?" the Chinese man asked. He had jumped from where he was reading a report at his desk when Kanda had pushed the door open. It seemed like he was doing a lot more work than he usually did but it was probably because of Allen.

"Yes," Kanda said bluntly, dropping himself into the couch across from Komui's desk. He crossed his arms over his chest.

The older man sighed and pushed his glasses farther up the bridge of his nose. "What is it Kanda?" he asked.

"I got a question about the kid," he said. "Why me?"

"We've gone over this, Kanda," Komui said, fixing him in his gaze. Kanda met it without blinking. "You're the only one here and who is healthy enough to do this."

"Lay off it. Lenalee would be able to do it better than me," he grunted. "She's fine, besides her arm. And its just a dream world. Why can't she do it? Or is it because you don't want your sister doing work like that?"

"It has nothing to do with that," Komui said. "She would gladly help, but she can't."

"Enlighten me upon why," he stated, not looking at the director. He pushed hair over his shoulder.

Komui was silent for a moment. "I didn't want to say anything, but since you won't drop it..."

"...Did you lie to me about why you picked me?" The Japanese man's eyes flashed angrily.

"No, but I didn't tell you all the truth. But before you get angry with me, I'll tell you why...I didn't want to tell you, because you would've gotten even angrier if I told you. But since you're angry anyway, I'm going to tell you. And since you won't back off now that you know," he said.

"Just spit it out," he growled, glaring at Komui. "Tell me why you lied!"

"Its because you and Allen Walker are connected."

"What?!" he snapped. "We are _not_ connected!" Anger flared inside him. Even though he _might_ have feelings for the stupid Moyashi, it didn't mean that they were _connected_.

"Hear me out, Kanda," Komui said in an even voice. "You two are very similar. You're not a stranger to what Allen sees in his dreams. You are able to deal with them and observe, as well as interact without creating too much of a disturbance."

Kanda was still tense as he watched the Director. How were they similar? _I'm not similar to that idiot! I'm not at __all similar. For one thing, I don't have a soft heart, like him._

"You two are more similar than you even realize. You even had the same reactions when told this," he said.

"...you told him we were similar?" he grunted.

"Noise did, yes. While they were sparing, and you were fighting with Bookman. He also was very shocked and annoyed. But that's beside the point. I also found some unusual readings after you had come back. Kanda...I think there's something you're not telling me. I don't think it would've worked with anyone else," Komui said.

Kanda froze, eyes narrowing to dark slits. "...Something I'm not telling you?" he said in a low voice. "You think that I'm lying?"

"No," Komui said patiently. "You not telling me something is different from lying. You know that. I'm just curious as to why I got the readings that I did. I found it strange that you were able to go into Allen's mind so easily. The only reason that I can come up with is that you...have feelings...for the boy."

The exorcist was very still.

"And not just friendship," Komui continued. "I think that you might--"

"Alright! Fine, shut up!" Kanda snapped viciously. "But if you tell anyone, I'll kill you."

Komui was silent for a moment then he gave a small nod. He didn't know what would happen if anyone else found out about that. It would've have been a big deal, if it was just the order, but with the Vatican following their every movement, he couldn't say a thing. "So, are you ready for another try?" he asked.

The samurai said nothing but nodded curtly and stood. The Chinese man sighed and got up. He picked up a folder and headed out, Kanda following him. They passed several others as they went but otherwise it was empty. Finally they came to Allen's infirmary room. Komui opened the door just as someone called his name. Kanda glanced around, then went into the room as Lenalee came up to them.

"Brother!" she said.

"Lenalee! My dear sister! What can I do for you?" he asked.

"Are you going to try to wake Allen up again?" she asked. Kanda listened to them from inside the room, then looked over at the boy lying still in the bed. He was just as pale as the day before.

"Yes," Komui said.

"Can I help? I want to help!" the girl said. Kanda rolled his eyes. She wouldn't be able to help. He moved over to the bed next to Allen, leaning against the wall.

"You need to heal, and there isn't much that you can do," Komui said. "I'm sorry Lenalee...Maybe you should go rest."

"But Kanda can help! So I could too!" she cried.

Kanda snorted, sitting down on the bed. Couldn't they just get on with it? He watched the silver haired exorcist breathing slowly. They continued talking for a few moments, but the Japanese man had tuned them out. He heard the door open once more and the siblings came in.

"She's just going to watch," Komui said to Kanda, who had raised his eyebrows a little. Lenalee nodded and sat down in a chair, looking at the boy. Kanda could see affection clearly in her gaze. Did she love the Moyashi as well? He wondered how Allen felt. He thought back. Allen never really reacted to Lenalee's worry or affection much. Maybe he didn't like her.

He had to smirk a little to himself at that thought. Then Komui brought him back to himself when he started talking. "Lay down, Kanda," he said. Kanda did so, letting Komui hook him up to the machine. He gave him the shot again. Kanda closed his eyes.

The numb feeling was starting to spread through his body, but the tingling had already started as well. It seemed to be happening much faster than before. After a few more moments, he felt the sideways lurch and opened his eyes. He was once again standing in the dark space. He turned in a full circle before spotting the door. He could've sworn he had gone 360 degrees, but the door hadn't been there a moment before. Shaking his head slightly, he headed for it.

This time he was ready for the sudden light. He narrowed his eyes a little against the glare, walking through the door. He didn't walk far, stopping just inside. After a moment his eyes adjusted to the light and he looked around, curious to see where he was.

He was standing between several brightly colored tents. To Kanda, it looked like circus tents. He closed the door behind him. He didn't know what would happen if he left it open, but he didn't want to find out. "I need something sharp..." he murmured glancing around. A simple handled knife appeared on the ground at his feet. "...Dream worlds..." he muttered, bending to pick it up. He cut his hand and smeared the blood across the plane wood. Then he slipped the knife into his pocket and headed through the tents.

After a moment, he heard voices. One sounded young, and the other—with a sickening jolt—Kanda recognized as the Clown's from the dream before. He looked around a tent just as the younger asked, "Is he dead?" His eyes fell upon a boy around ten and the Clown. He realized this must be Allen.

"He's dead," the Clown said, gazing down at the dog.

"...He's covered in bruises," the child-Allen commented. Kanda leaned against the tent to watch the two. The Clown had made a grave for the dog, placing the spotted body in it carefully. They continued talking as he covered the dog with the pile of dirt. Finally, he placed a ball on top of the grave. Kanda couldn't take his eyes off the brown haired boy. Strangely enough, he reminded him of himself. He shook his head. He had thought that Allen was a nice kid...it didn't seem like it.

"But you're covered in bruises too, aren't you?" the Clown was asking. Allen turned a little then jerked back, letting out an annoyed cry as the Clown poked him in the face. He had a very strong reaction to when the Clown asked if he had any friends. Kanda listened carefully.

What Allen said surprised him, but he knew it shouldn't. Even if it was a bit more blunt then the Allen he knew spoke, it still did sound like something he would say. "When I grow up...I'm getting out of here as soon as I'm strong enough, so I don't need any friends." Allen always had the uncanny ability to try and take all of the fight. He wanted to protect who was close to him. Kanda didn't let him do that and he knew that the silver haired exorcist had learned to trust those around him more.

They exchanged more words and Allen's tone became quieter. He asked what the dogs name was. And then the boy started to cry. Kanda wanted to go to him, but he doubted Allen would even see him. He understood why Allen was crying. The dog had been his friend. And he was dead now. Allen cried so easily. He had cried over a doll. Of course he would cry over a dog.

He blinked.

When he had opened his eyes, the scene had changed drastically. He nearly lost his balance at the suddenness and the fact that there was no longer a tent to lean against. He straightened, shaking his head. He had recognized where he was immediately. He was standing in a hall of the old order. It seemed rather empty at the moment. Frowning slightly, Kanda started down the hallway.

Glancing out of the windows, he froze. It wasn't the outside of the old order. It looked a little like the other dream world, but it was mostly water. The large crescent moon was reflected on the surface. Ruins and broken crosses broke the perfectly smooth water. After a moment, he shook his head and continued down the hall. "Damn Moyashi. What is with your head?" he muttered to himself.

He turned the corner and found himself no longer in the order. "Why is it changing so suddenly?!" he growled, annoyed. He felt the shudder of movement. He was on a train. He looked into the compartment closest to him and found himself looking in on Allen and his dream self. They were sitting across from each other. Dream-Kanda was holding one of the booklets, looking at it and speaking with distaste to the silver haired exorcist. It was their first mission together.

Kanda pulled open the door and came in, watching them. Neither glanced around. Kanda hadn't expected them to. He listened to them talking, eyes on the silver haired exorcist. He noticed that Allen kept glancing at the Kanda across from him. He wondered if he had really done that. He hadn't paid much attention to him during the train ride to Italy.

They continued talking and the Samurai continued to watch Allen. Every now and then he glanced at Dream-Kanda, or out the window. Kanda had already noticed that outside the window was the landscape that he had seen outside the old orders windows. It seemed to be haunting the boy.

_He seems so much younger_, noted Kanda. The light in his eyes wasn't as dark and his features were softer. He hadn't realized it before, but seeing him here...he seemed so much more like a child than how he was now. He wasn't even that much older, maybe six months or a year, but he had the sense of someone who's seen too much. He thought that all the exorcists who had started young were like that. So, pretty much all of them.

After a little bit, the two stopped talking. Allen went to staring out the window and Kanda could see that his gaze wasn't following anything but was distant. He glanced around the cabin then jerked back as an image flashed across his vision. Then he was falling sideways, everything disappearing. He was still in a slight daze as he found himself looking at the trail of blood in the grey world. Following it, he found the door and pushed it open, trying to figure out what he had seen right before everything had disappeared.

Lurching awake with a grunt, he covered his eyes with his arm. He was out of breathe. _What...was that?!_ He kept his eyes closed, trying to focus on the image. It had flashed so quickly that he had a hard time seeing what it was.

"Kanda?" Kanda didn't pay attention to Komui's questioning tone. He had just figured out what that image had been. It had been him and Allen, together, pressed close. He grimaced. What was with that?! "Kanda, are you alright?"

"Yes, yes, I'm fine," he muttered swiftly, sitting up. He glanced at Allen, who was still asleep.

"Did you find anything out?"

"I didn't have a chance to try and talk to him," he said, fixing his hair. "I did see several things. The old order...him as a kid..." he shrugged. "I'll try again."

Komui nodded, watching him. "...Are you sure he didn't notice you?" he asked slowly.

"...Why?" Kanda asked, looking at him, eyes narrowed slightly. "I'm positive that he didn't notice me. I was standing two feet away from him and he didn't see me."

"Because he reacted...just slightly. Right before you woke up," Komui said. "He seemed like he could've woken up."

Kanda blinked slowly, freezing. Right before he woke up? Was it that flash? "...What'd he do?"

"He flinched and said something, but I wasn't able to make out what he said," he said.

Kanda fell silent, looking at his hands in thought. Was it from the flash? He wondered what was going through Allen's mind right now. And he wondered why Allen always pushed him out eventually, although it seemed like he had let him stay a little longer than before. But it also seemed that he had stopped him from seeing something. Maybe he was aware that Kanda was there.

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Please review! I hope you liked it!


	3. Chapter 3

Thank you all for waiting as patiently as you have! ^^ Sorry, I was busy finishing TVI, which you probably knew about already. xD So, Chapter 3 of Dreaming In Shadows for you all! Thankfully, I got this chapter a bit longer then the first two. Thanks and please review!

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Chapter 3: I Like It Here

"You want to try again?" Komui asked, looking slightly surprised. He was standing in the hall, halfway back to his office carrying some papers. That was where Kanda had stopped him. "Even though you only tried yesterday? Do you think you could get to him?"

"I think..." he said slowly, "that he's noticed a presence...Me...He keeps pushing me out. I didn't have a chance to talk to him last time. This time I'll try and talk to him." He kept his eyes on Komui. The Chinese man shifted his papers from one arm to another.

"If you think that he's pushing you out...then he's responding a bit," Komui said. "And that's good. We're getting through. If you think you're up to it then we can try again. You can go to the room, I'll be there in a bit. I need to do several things."

Kanda nodded and then walked away from Komui, heading for the infirmary room where Allen was sleeping. He opened the door and went inside. Allen hadn't changed. He walked over to the bed, looking down at the silver haired Exorcist. With a quick glance over his shoulder to make sure no one was watching, he reached out and touched the boy's cheek gently.

He didn't know if it was his imagination or if Allen really did react, but he thought that the boy moved into his touch a little. But a moment later the door opened and Kanda jerked his hand back, turning around swiftly. Komui had come in. He hadn't seen anything that had happened a moment before, too immersed in the paper he was reading.

"You know what to do," Komui said to Kanda and the samurai nodded, getting on the bed and laying down. He waited for the scientist to hook him up. Feeling the prick at his arm, he closed his eyes. The feeling was so strange. He let out a small shudder before the feeling of falling overtook him.

Before he had looked around, he was walking. He knew the door was in front of him. He blinked once and there it was. He wondered what he would see this time. He pulled the door open, marking it before he even looked around. Then he shut it and took in his surroundings.

It was as if the door had just opened in the middle of a crowd. No one noticed it, and some people just walked through it. They took no notice of Kanda. He dodged them, making his way to a less populated area so that they wouldn't walk through him. He didn't think it would hurt him, but he didn't want to experience it. Then he looked around for silver hair.

There. He spotted Allen heading through the crowd. He had the first uniform on. So this was a while ago. He picked his way through the crowd, trying not to lose him. Then he realized this was Allen's dream and doubted that he'd be able to lose him.

He caught up with him, walking at his side for several moments. They seemed to be walking down a town lane. He wondered where they were and when as well. Then he tried to touch Allen. Unlike all the other people—he hadn't dodged someone and they had walked right through him—he was able to touch him. He took hold of the boy's arm and pulled him away from the crowd.

Allen was very startled. He let out an indignant noise and turned to look at him, pulling his arm from his grasp. Then he stared. He looked very confused.

Again, he was so much younger then he looked now. It threw Kanda off for a moment. Then he shook his head. "Moyashi?" he asked. Allen's eyes were a bit unfocused. He seemed to be trying to focus on Kanda.

"...What're you doing here?" he asked, head cocked to the side, the look of confusion still on his face. So he thought he was on a mission. Kanda glanced around where they were standing. It was just an old street. He didn't know where this would be. Apparently it wasn't a mission he was on.

"...I came to look for you," he said.

"Look for me? Why do you need to look for me? I'm on a mission..." Allen said. So he had been right. _He thinks I'm part of the dream world..._ he thought. He didn't know how to make him believe him.

"No, you're not," Kanda said bluntly. "You're not on a mission. This happened a long time ago...You need to wake up..."

"Wake up? What're you talking about Kanda? I'm not asleep. And yes, I'm on a mission. I'm here with Lenalee...We're stuck here..." he said. "Komui said that it might happen..."

So this was the rewinding city. Kanda grunted, annoyed. This was going to be challenging. "You're not _here_. You're at the order. Don't you remember? You went on a mission and you're dreaming! You have to wake up." Allen had backed up a bit from Kanda.

"...You can't be Kanda. Kanda left on a mission before me. I don't see how you could be here...and they wouldn't send another person. Its only been one day. What are you?" he asked, eyes narrowed.

"Damn it Moyashi, this is a dream!" he growled, grabbing onto Allen's arm. Allen jerked away from him, knocking Kanda's hand. Then he backed up and turned, disappearing into the crowd. "Damn it...Stupid Moya--" The entire town and all of its people had started to melt and swirl. "...Arrghh..."

But instead of going to the grey world where he had expected to turn out, he was standing in a hall. It looked a bit warped, but he recognized it as the order once again. "...Okay..." he said slowly, head turning to look around. Why was he here? Then he heard voices.

He turned, following them. It sounded like Allen and someone else. He turned the corner and stopped walking. It was his dream self and the silver haired exorcist. They were arguing. This was nothing new. Then after a few moments, the dream-Kanda left Allen be, walking away briskly.

After a few moments, Kanda headed towards the young exorcist. Allen was leaning against the windowsill, eyes distant. "...Moyashi," he said slowly, wondering what his reaction would be.

"...I thought you'd come again," he murmured, not looking around. "...I thought you'd come to find me..."

"...Do you know who I am then?" he asked.

Allen let out a small laugh. "Of course I know who you are. You're Kanda," he said and turned to look at him. A small smile was curving his lips. He was still leaning against the windowsill. Kanda didn't move. Did he think he was part of the dream. "...I know you're not part of this..."

Kanda looked a bit startled.

"Its on your face. I can read it...your questions...You're in my mind, Kanda. I can see things..." he said with a small shrug, looking out the window once again. The Japanese exorcist glanced out, seeing that again it was the desolate land filled with ruins and the large moon.

"So you know why I came here to look for you?" asked Kanda, walking closer to him and leaned against the wall between two windows. He didn't want to look at the landscape.

"Of course..." he said lightly. "You want to bring me back...but back to where, I don't know..."

"Back to the order," he stated.

"We're in the order, can't you see it?" Allen asked, looking at him. His eyes locked onto Kanda's and his gaze was strong. He motioned in a circle around them. "This is the order...Before it was destroyed of course..."

"You're talking nonsense, Moyashi. You need to come back to our world." Kanda glared at him, crossing his arms across his chest.

The silver haired boy was silent for several moments before he spoke again, saying, "But what if I like this world of mine better?" Kanda gritted his teeth. Even now, when he had finally been able to contact him, he wasn't paying attention.

"But its not real. And we...need you..." he said. The boy looked at him slowly.

"That was really hard for you to say, wasn't it?" he asked. His slight smile was unnerving Kanda a bit and his eyes narrowed. Why was he acting like this? He was unsure if, even though he had said he knew Kanda wasn't from around here, he knew he wasn't part of the dream world or not.

Kanda was silent, annoyed with the silver haired exorcist. After a moment, he spoke. "Oi, quit playing around," he said angrily. "You're coming back with me."

Allen didn't look upset or mad. He gave a small giggle, smiling, then turned back to the window for several moments. "But why, Yu..." Kanda grunted. "Its fun to play around. And I'm a clown, aren't I? That's what they do best...And if you act like that, I don't know if I'd want to come back..."

"You want to stay in this fake world?" Kanda snapped, losing his patiences. "And leave us fighting?"

"It isn't that fake. You can touch things...people...everyones here...and I can make it however I wish..." Allen said and straightened. Everything was starting to bleach and lose its color. After a few moments, the entire scene was starting to fade, except for Allen.

"...Are you doing this?" Kanda asked. The boy nodded, brushing hair from his face.

He looked around, turning in a circle. They were now standing in a vast whiteness that seemed to go on forever. "This is what I can do. I can control it...Its my mind. I control my min--" With a startled gasp, he broke off. A strong lurch had gone through the world. Kanda looked around swiftly.

"What'd you do, Moyashi?" he asked. "Or are you not in as much control as you thought you were?" Things were starting to appear: a landscape, a sky, a building here, a broken down building over there...But it kept shifting.

"_Did you think you could get away from me...my Allen?_" a voice said. Allen jerked around, looking slightly panicked.

"What the...hell..." he breathed, eyes narrowed a bit. Kanda watched the boy. He could see that this wasn't supposed to be happening. Who was talking? This was even more unnerving. The boy wasn't in control of his own mind.

"_I've always been here..._"

"Get away from me," Allen shouted. "Why did you choose me." His silver eyes were fixed on a mirror a bit away, attached to the side of a building. It was cracked and missing bits but otherwise intact. The boy walked over to it slowly. Kanda frowned a little, eyes narrowed.

And then he saw it. He stepped back slightly. What the hell was that?! A shadow was behind Allen in the mirror, but only in the mirror. Allen didn't seem surprised, although he looked angry. He no longer looked scared. His angry expression turned furious and Kanda had only seen it a couple of times before.

"I don't want to listen to your whispers any more!" Allen said, anger flashing in his gaze, and he hit the mirror hard with his left hand. It shattered, falling to the ground. In shards reflected the shadow. Allen clenched his fists staring down at him.

Kanda was unable to move. He was watching the boy. That shadow...was that the 14th? The thing that was inside Allen? He couldn't come up with any other explanation. It had to be him. He didn't think that anyone, besides General Cross, had seen it. It sent chills down Kanda's spine and he felt a strong sense of loathing towards it. Then Allen seemed to realize that Kanda was there. His head whipped up swiftly.

He was still angry, Kanda could tell that. "I'm not going back with you," he said in a soft voice. It was filled with loathing. "I can't." And then it was as if the boy had pushed him out of his mind. Instead of the scene melting like it usually did, it suddenly wasn't there at all. He was back in the grey world. He almost lost his balance and steadied himself.

"Damn it Moyashi," he growled, stalking down the path of blood. "Why do you have to be so stubborn?! And what the hell...that was the 14th?" He pulled the door open and a second later he was sitting up in the infirmary room. He was tempted to just give up.

He let out an angry noise. Komui was startled, pulling back a bit. He hadn't expected Kanda to sit up so quickly. "That...idiot..." he seethed. "He said he didn't want to come back! He didn't want to come back here and he liked it there. He said he was in control, but he wasn't. Oh I'm going to kill him." He yanked the sensors off himself and got up, grabbing Mugen.

"W-wait, Kanda!" Komui said. "What happened? You were able to talk to him?"

"Yes...And that bastard said he liked it there!" he growled. Was the boy giving up? "...And I saw the 14th."

Komui froze, eyes widening behind his glasses. He had seen it? "How?"

"It was in a mirror, behind the kid," Kanda grunted, fixing his hair. He clipped his sword onto his belt. He needed time alone to think. This was a bit too much to take in all at once.

"In a mirror?" the scientist asked, bewildered. "Was it behind him?"

"No, Baka," he growled. "It wasn't being reflected! It was _in_ the mirror. It was a reflection, but it wasn't being reflected!" Then he stormed out of the room. He ignored Lenalee, who had come up to the room as he left. She asked him something about Allen, but he didn't listen. He walked away from her, stalking off to one of the meditation rooms.

Upon reaching it, he locked the door then settled down, taking a slow, even breath. He needed to calm down. Why was he so worked up anyways? This was stupid. That idiot Moyashi...making him go into his mind then refusing to come out.

And the 14th. It still sent chills up his spine. He thought of the smiling figure and gritted his teeth. Calming down wasn't happening at the moment. He gave up on that but kept his eyes closed. He just needed to think. Allen had looked startled when the 14th spoke, if that was the 14th. It must've been. The boy seemed to recognize it.

How had he recognized Kanda as not in the dream world? He guessed that yes, it was Allen's head, so he must have some ideas. But it didn't seem like he had complete control over it. The samurai's jaw slowly unclenched as he continued to think. The boy was so infuriating sometimes, like this time. What was he thinking? _He was thinking what he said. I was in his head_.

He grumbled to himself, eyes still closed and completely missed the sound of the lock click and the door open. Only when he heard footsteps did he draw out of himself swiftly. He was on his feet an a second, sword unsheathed and pointed at who had come in uninvited. There was a thud as they fell back a bit, against the wall.

"Whoa, whoa, easy," Lavi said, putting his hands up before in defensively, grinning a little. "I wasn't going to attack you. Don't slice me up."

Kanda lowered Mugen slowly, then sheathed it once more. "You picked the lock," he stated, glaring at the redhead.

Lavi grinned and nodded a bit, holding up the hair clip he had probably stolen from Lenalee. "Yes, I did. You always lock it and I wanted in, so I picked the lock," he stated in a matter-of-fact tone. "I wanted to see what you were up to, hiding away in the meditation room!"

"I wasn't hiding away. And I thought you were on a mission," he said annoyed with the exorcist. He settled back down where he had been sitting before Lavi had come to interupt him.

"I just got back, earlier today, actually. I spotted you with Komui and wondered what you were doing. You're trying to help the sprout?" he asked, lounging back against the wall, crossing his feet. Kanda glared at him. "I didn't think you'd want to...since you hate him and all."

Kanda almost said that he didn't _hate_ him, but was able to stop himself. That would only get Lavi talking and wouldn't end up good. "Komui told me to," he grunted, closing his eyes again.

"Ah, thought it was something like that," Lavi said. Something about his tone made the long haired exorcist open one eye to look at him. He had a slight grin on his face, but it was more like a smile.

"No you didn't. You're thinking of something else," he grunted.

"Oh Yu-chan...you're so suspicious. I only thought that you'd say something like that...instead of confessing to me your feelings towards a certain exorcist currently in a coma..." he said slyly, looking at his hand. Kanda twitched, head turning to look at Lavi swiftly.

"...What?" he hissed.

"What, what?" the other exorcist asked, looking up with an innocent expressin. "Oh come off it, Yu...I watch you. I know you stare at the kid. And I know that you want to be with him. That's why you took this mission. And...there must be some sort of connection between you two for that sort of thing to work anyway."

"...You are too observant," he grumbled, closing his eyes once more. He knew Lavi would be smiling smuggly, having accomplished his goal. Then he thought about the vatican and his eyes opened. If they found out about Kanda's feelings, he didn't think it would turn out right.

Lavi had seen the subtle change. "What?" he asked, pulling his legs a bit closer so he could rest his arm on his knee.

"...Are you...planning on telling anyone?" he asked slowly, eyes flashing a bit.

"Are you worried about how they'd look at you?" he asked, red eyebrow disappearing under his headband.

"Of course not," he snapped. "Its not that."

"The Vatican? No I'm not going to tell anyone. Its just a small note that I have made in my mind. I'm not about to spill all of the secrets I've compiled over the years to them. We're not connected to them, if you remember correctly," Lavi said, watching Kanda.

The samurai gave a curt nod. That was as much a thank you that Lavi would get.

"You're welcome," he said, picking at his boot.

Kanda rolled his eyes. "Why're you here? Just to bug me and tell me that you know I have--"

"Hah! You admitted it!" said the redheaded man, looking even more smug then he had been looking a moment before. Kanda twitched then turned away from him with a 'tch'. "Yes, I came to bug you and tell you that I knew. But I also wanted to know what you were up to, like...your progress with the sprout."

"Progress?" His mind flashed to images of him and Allen and the boy in his room on his bed with no clothes and he quickly pushed them away. That wasn't what Lavi was talking about.

"Yes, progress, thickhead," Lavi said. "As in, have you made contact with him? Have you spoken to him? Has he responded?"

Kanda was silent for a moment, trying to block out the unwanted images of Allen. He tried to concentrate on what Lavi was asking and then that went to thoughts of the 14th and his thoughts sobered up swiftly. "Yes, I spoke to him," he stated, eyes once more closed. "Why are you asking me? Go ask Komui."

"Komui wasn't in the sprouts head," Lavi said. "What happened then?"

"...I saw the 14th," he said. He knew that everyone knew about it, since Allen had told them to kill him if it broke free, but when he glanced at Lavi he hadn't expected that expression. It was one of disgust. Did he know more than everyone else? "You know more about him, don't you?"

"Mhm," Lavi said, expression smoothing out a bit. He didn't speak anymore, which Kanda found strange. But that gave him the hint that it was Bookmen work and wondered how he had learned more about it.

Kanda grunted, looking away and closing his eyes. This time he kept them closed. He straightened his back and for the first time in a long time, he and Lavi were able to sit in silence, both of them absorbed in thought. Kanda's mind was populated by thoughts of Allen and the 14th, and how he would be able to drag the boy back into reality.

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Thanks for reading! Please review!


	4. Chapter 4

Alright! is working once again! It wasn't letting me upload this and making everyone wait! Well, here is the fourth chapter of Dreaming Of Shadows! 8D I hope that everyone likes it, and please please pretty please review! Contains: Ooc, child!allen (of a sort), yullen

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_Chapter 4: Dream Sickness_

Komui had said that Kanda could take a break. Three days in a row the samurai had gone into the boy's mind and he was in a bad mood. He would snap at anyone who talked to him, except, surprisingly, Lavi. They hadn't spoken at all for a long time while he had come into the meditation room where Kanda was. The long haired exorcist knew that Lavi knew more about the 14th then he did but the redhead wouldn't say anything. He would fall silent whenever Kanda questioned him.

And so, he had given up asking. That was one of the reasons for why he was in a bad mood. But strangely enough, he wasn't taking it out on Lavi. The redhead knew about his liking for Allen, understood when he spoke fleetingly about the dreams, and didn't ask stupid questions about the 14th. It was amazing. It was like he had matured overnight. Kanda was unsure of how to react to this sudden change in Lavi.

It seemed he was the only person at the moment Kanda could stand, and he knew something was wrong when that was happening. He missed his arguments with the silver haired exorcist, along with snapping at him about how much food he ate and so on. In truth, he missed the kid, even though he had been closer to him than anyone could be. Lavi somehow had picked up on that reason for Kanda's fowl mood. He said nothing about Allen though, knowing that a comforting word would receive a sharp comeback.

They were sitting in silence at a table in the corner of the dining hall when a wireless golem appeared seemingly out of no where. Lavi glanced at it but Kanda continued eating. He would pay attention if someone started talking, but other than that, he would choose to ignore it.

"Kanda." It was Komui.

Kanda looked up. "What?" he asked, slight annoyance in his voice. "I'm eating."

"This is urgent," the director snapped and there was a tone in his voice that Kanda hadn't heard in a while. Kanda set his chopsticks down slowly.

"...I'm listening," he said, eyes on the golem as it beat its leathery wings to stay in place.

"Its Allen. We need you here immediately," he said. Lavi's eye had widened slightly where he sat across the table. Kanda had just stiffened. Then he got up leaving his food.

"On my way," he said shortly. He didn't glance at the redhead as he left. Lavi stayed where he was, continuing to eat. Kanda would sort everything out. Once the samurai was out of the crowded dining hall and away from prying ears, he asked, "What's this about?"

"You'll see when you get here," the golem said with Komui's voice. Kanda quickened his pace. He didn't like how Komui sounded. Something was wrong. "All I'm going to say now is that he's gotten worse." Then it fell silent and continued to flap swiftly towards the infirmary room. As he neared it, Kanda could hear people talking urgently to each other and several sharp orders from Komui.

Pushing the door open, he stopped. His hand still on the door, he took in the scene. Half the science team was in the room, which made it very crowded. And everyone was speaking at once, to different people. In the middle of the fray was Allen. The boy was deathly white and even Kanda could see that his breathing was uneven.

"Kanda!" Komui said sharply. The exorcist turned to look at the Chinese man.

"What?" he asked, glancing back at Allen.

"As you can see, his condition took a turn for the worst," Komui said. He sounded strained. Someone had put Allen on oxygen.

"I can't do anything," Kanda snapped, eyes flashing. "You're the scientists, you figure out what's wrong with him."

Komui looked annoyed. "Kanda, snap out of your dislike for Allen and listen to me. What is happening to him is due to his dream world," he said sharply. Kanda, who had been about to say something, fell silent for several moments.

"...His dream world is doing this?" he finally asked.

"Yes. Now we need _you_ to go in and see what's going on. There is no other cause for why he's reacting like this. Something may have happened...sometimes dreams are very powerful. People have died because they died in dreams before. Now please...try," Komui said.

Kanda glanced again at the silver haired exorcist. His breathes were labored and strained. "...Fine," he said in a low voice. "I'll do it." Komui gave a nod and the samurai went to the bed beside Allen and lay down. The scientists pulled back a bit then started to hook him up quickly. Kanda closed his eyes, letting them do whatever was needed. What seemed like moments later, Kanda was falling into the dream world.

The first thing that he noticed upon opening his eyes was that the normally pitch black space was streaked with bits of color. He blinked several times. It hurt his head a bit. And as he watched, it shifted and flashed. What was going on in the actual dreaming? He shook his head momentarily then went to the door. It creaked slightly and seemed as if it was slightly open.

Eyes narrowing, Kanda pushed on it. It hadn't been closed completely, as he had thought, and it swung open easily. It creaked softly. He walked in looking around. Where was he?! "Damn it Moyashi...what've you dragged me into this time?" The door slammed shut behind him and he was just able to mark it before it faded away. He had almost gotten stuck.

"If you get me lost, I'm going to kill you," he said to the dream world, not caring if Allen could hear him or not. Finally, he took in what he was looking at. And after staring around, he still couldn't quite figure it out. Finally the images started to clear.

"Let me out!" the voice echoed around the strange landscape of trees and buildings. "Let me out of here!" Kanda's head turned. That was Allen's voice. He followed it through the maze of buildings and was startled when a chunk of the structure he was walking by just crumbled and fell off. He had just enough time to dodge it, although he didn't know if it would hurt him or not. He didn't want to test it.

After what seemed like ten minutes, Kanda was getting rather annoyed. "Where the hell are you, Moyashi?!" he snapped and rounded a corner. Oh. There he was.

Allen was standing in the middle of a clearing, nothing standing around him except for debris of what had been there. Kanda stared at him. He looked like had been in a battle. His clothing had been torn and he had what looked like a nasty cut on his neck. The blood was running freely down, soaking into his shirt and dying it red.

"What the hell is going on?" Kanda muttered under his breath. Allen whipped around, but not because of Kanda. He had turned the other way. He looked panicked and threatened. "Oi! Moyashi!"

The exorcist didn't hear him. He had focused on his reflection on a large mirror a bit away. Kanda could see the 14th reflected in it as well hovering behind Allen. Kanda made a disgusted expression. He was so eerie. He wondered momentarily how long the boy had been seeing him but it went away swiftly as Allen stalked forward and shattered the mirror.

"You can't trap me here!" he yelled. The samurai could hear panic and pain in his voice. He didn't want to stay here. Was the 14th responsible for keeping him here? That's what it looked like. Kanda needed to help him. Allen was turning on the spot swiftly. The world seemed to spin a bit. "Stop!"

Kanda looked at him swiftly. He sounded like a child. A scared child. The exorcist was more unnerved by the fact that Allen Walker, The Destroyer of Time, the youngest General, sounded like a child, his fear evident in his voice then the fact that the 14th was there.

"Oi...Allen..." he said in a low voice, hoping that the use of his name would get is attention. The boy jerked around and relief flooded his gaze when he recognized Kanda. He had never seen the boy look more relieved. Kanda walked forward slowly as the world pitched and swirled.

"...Make it stop..." Allen breathed, falling to his knees. He had covered his ears with his hands, bending slightly. He closed his eyes tightly. The world continued to rage. "Stop it! Leave me alone!" The silver haired exorcist seemed to be hearing something that Kanda, even though he was in his mind, could not.

"Moyashi..." Kanda knelt before him. He was going to great lengths to ignore everything that was happening around them. It seemed to be helping a little, because nothing became solid, although some things seemed to want to. Scenes flashed passed. He didn't know if Allen was responsible for this or if the 14th was but he would help him.

"Make it stop...please just make it stop...I can't get out..." Allen sounded more like a child than ever. It was very unnerving. Kanda paused. This was very unlike him to be so kind, but he didn't want the boy to die. He reached forward and pulled Allen into his arms.

Allen froze. "...Kanda..." he breathed. He sounded more like himself.

"What do you think you're doing?" Kanda murmured in his ear, voice low. "Cowering?"

"...Can't you see him? Can't you see what...he's doing...It hurts..." The dark haired exorcist could feel Allen trembling in his hold and he tightened his arms a little. The world continued to swirl around him. Kanda hoped that this would work.

"The Allen I knew didn't care about that...You're acting like a kid," he said. "Snap out of this. He can't do anything. You said so before, that you would stop him...now stop him..."

Allen looked at him and Kanda saw that determined light in his eyes that bugged him so much. But right now it was wonderful to see. The exorcist held onto Kanda's arm, as if in need of a life line. Kanda let him do so. The world around them was starting to calm.

"...He's strong..." Allen gasped out softly. "Why did I ever say that?"

"Oi, Moyashi. Don't snap on me," Kanda said gruffly. "Can't you hear what I'm saying? You're stronger than he is. You're the fucking Destroyer of Time...pull yourself together."

Allen closed his eyes, taking a slow, deep breath. The world calmed almost completely. After a few more moments, the scene had settled. They were outside, but Kanda was unsure where. It just looked like any park to him. He wondered why this was important, but he was glad that Allen had calmed down.

"...Thanks Kanda," Allen said. Finally he sounded like himself. He pulled away, brushing some of his hair away from his eyes. He had that normal stubborn light in his eyes. For some reason, Kanda knew without asking that Allen wasn't going to come back with him.

"...You're so stubborn!" Kanda said sharply, standing up. Allen stood more slowly.

"Because I won't go back with you?"

"Why else would I call you that?" he fumed, glaring at the silver haired exorcist. The boy just watched him, now very calm. As if nothing had happened. As if he hadn't been a cowering child a few moments before.

"I can think of several things, but I think you're more stubborn than I am," Allen said in a calm voice. "But you're right, I'm not leaving here."

"Why the hell not?" Kanda growled. A breeze seemed to drift through the clearing and the sky was getting darker. Clouds had started to form, and they were very dark clouds.

Allen kept his eyes on Kanda. "Why should I trust you?" he asked in an even voice. Kanda was shocked at what he said. He just stared at him for several moments, jaw slightly open. Finally he snapped back to himself and his glare sharpened.

"Trust me? You, trust me? You don't...Trust me?!" he said. "What the hell...where did that even come from? I haven't given you any reason to not trust me. I haven't attacked you. I just helped you when you were acting like a child and cowering in the corner. What do you think I'll do?" He was angry and he knew that this wouldn't help his case but he couldn't help it. Although it did feel good to fight with him. Kanda acknowledged that that was a messed up feeling.

"You don't remember what you did to me?" he asked softly. Kanda was stumped. What had he done? "You don't...remember?" He sounded angry now. Kanda didn't think that was good. The sky was almost black now and lightning kept etching itself in bright silver against it, leaving imprints for moments after they disappeared.

"I don't know what you're talking about, Moyashi. I haven't done anything to you. You've been stuck in this dream world for two weeks," he said.

Allen turned away from him, walking up the hill as the wind tugged at his hair. Kanda realized he was still hurt. The wound on his neck hadn't stopped bleeding. He wondered what that meant, if it meant anything at all. "Oi! Get back here. You're coming back if I have to carry you," he snapped and followed him. He grabbed Allen's arm.

The boy lashed out, hitting Kanda hard. The long haired exorcist staggered back, shocked at the force at which he had been hit. He felt something warm trickle down his face and neck from several long scratches. So Allen still had the crown clown, even in dream world. And damn did it hurt.

"...I haven't done anything to you," he said in a low voice.

"Yeah right. Just because it seems you've magically forgotten...What you've done!" he snapped and pushed Kanda back forcefully with both his claw and right arm. The samurai moved back before he could fall and everything around him flashed.

He was in a hallway. It was dark. Lightning flashed outside the order windows, illuminating a scene that made Kanda's blood run cold. When had he ever...ever done that? "Allen, I never did that," he said loudly but he was already in the grey place. "Shit."

He followed his spotted blood trail back to the door. It had returned to normal. Walking into the black space, he noticed this too had returned to normal. A few moments later, he felt himself come back to his body. He didn't move for several moments even though he could hear everything around him. Then he covered his eyes with a hand.

"You did it Kanda!" Komui said. The exorcist sat up slowly, glancing to his side. The boy was back to his normal color and he no longer needed help breathing. Kanda got up swiftly, fixing his hair and stalked from the room. "Kanda? Where are you going?"

He ignored Komui and the other scientists questions. He walked away from the room swiftly, needing to put distance between him and Allen. What had that been about? Just...what the hell. That had _never_ happened. Now he was making things up. He went into the meditation room, slamming the door closed. For several moments, he just stood by it, head bowed, then he kicked off his shoes and settled down, closing his eyes.

"You helped him...But what happened, Yu?"

Kanda almost jumped. He stopped himself from reacting just before he did so. He hadn't even looked around when he came in. Had Lavi known he would come here? It seemed so. "...What the hell are you doing here?"

"Waiting for you of course. You always seem to come here after that and so I decided to come in before I needed to pick the lock. What happened?" Lavi asked from where he was sitting beside the wall, ankles crossed. Kanda looked over at him slowly then pulled his messed up hair from his pony tail to give himself something to do.

Lavi waited silently as he fixed his hair. "Nothing happened," the samurai finally said.

"Oh come off it," the redhead said. "I know something happened. What was it?"

"...The reason why he didn't come back with me, even though I helped him..." he growled in a low voice. He was furious. This was stupid! He hadn't done that! He hadn't even touched Allen. Not in that way at least.

The Junior Bookman was silent for a moment. "...What was the reason?" he asked when it was apparent that Kanda wasn't about to continue. "Why didn't he come back with you?"

"Because he thinks I did something I didn't," he said sharply. "Almost all the other dreams were of events...real events, but with some random, freaked element. But this was different. This _never_ happened. He's angry at me for something I _never_ did. I've never touched him!"

Lavi seemed to know what he was talking about. "...He thinks you raped him?" he asked in a slow voice. Kanda gave a short nod, grinding his teeth together. The black and white image was ingrained in his mind and he couldn't get it away, no matter how hard he tried.

"Well, I know you...well, you might've, but I know you didn't, you're going to have to convince him otherwise," Lavi said smoothly. "He's stuck in his dreams, Yu. And since you're going in there, I bet he's picking up on some feelings. Have you ever thought, for a second even, of just taking him?"

Kanda said nothing and Lavi took that as a yes. "So he took that idea...or image or fantasy or whatever you want to call it and now he thinks it really happened. He made up a memory for himself. So he doesn't trust you. You're going to have to try and make him believe that that never actually happened."

For several moments Kanda just muttered under his breath. Lavi said nothing even though he didn't understand him. "I think you should tell Komui. And whatever else you found out."

Kanda looked at him sharply. "What?"

"He needs to know why he was panicking. I'm thinking it was because of the 14th," Lavi said. Kanda gave a small nod to show him that he was right. "Well, Komui needs to know that."

"...Fine," Kanda said and got up, tugging his boots back on. Lavi gave a small wave and stayed where he was as Kanda stalked out of the room. He headed to the directors office, trying to figure out how best to explain it. He opened the door slightly, looking in. Komui was at his desk, talking to Lenalee. He was tempted to just turn around and come back a different time, but he knew that he was just being weak. So he pushed the door open the rest of the way and went in. They both looked up at him. Kanda sat down on the couch, crossing his arms and readied himself for his explanations.

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Thanks a bunch!  
I hope you liked it!  
Please review.


	5. Chapter 5

**A.N.** Ho boy. Um...wow. Has it really actually been almost a year since I updated this story? Holy shit, that's really bad for my ...REALLY bad. I'm sorry guys, for those of you who liked this story. Because I like it to. And I will try and update this more often. Sorry about such a long wait, and probably the need to reread chapters. So. Chapter 5 for you guys. Sorry again! I hope you enjoy this one. And as I said before, I'll try and be better with the updating. I don't own DGM.

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_Chapter 5: Simple Memory_

Kanda didn't move or speak for several seconds, thinking upon what he was going to tell the head scientist. The two siblings looked at him, a mixture of confusion and patience in their gaze. He figured that Komui at least knew that Kanda was here for a reason, to tell him the reason why he had stormed out of the infirmary room after he had helped Allen. "...Lenalee, can you please wait outside? I think I need to speak with Kanda alone," the Chinese man stated calmly, interlacing his fingers together in front of him on the desk.

Kanda was taken aback at this statement. He had expected to have to explain the whole situation with Lenalee in the room as well and he could just see the reaction that the young woman would have. The fact that Kanda had feelings towards a certain exorcist in question as well as what had happened in the dream would be enough to get the girl talking, at least to Lavi.

She focused her attention onto her brother now, instead of Kanda. "You want me to leave?" she asked, a hurt manner about how she spoke. Komui nodded silently, looking at her. After a small stretch of time, she got up from where she had been sitting on the desk and walked across the room. She glanced over her shoulder, eyes lingering on Kanda. The samurai didn't look at her. His gaze was focused on Komui. Then she left the office.

Komui turned his attention back onto Kanda. "Alright Kanda, what is this about?"

"...Thanks," he grunted after a moment. The other man nodded once and went still, waiting for Kanda to start to explain why he had come. For all the times that Komui bugged Kanda, this wasn't one of them. He was glad that the man could contain himself at a serious time.

After another moment, Kanda spoke, "I think it was the 14th who caused Allen to be like that. When I got into his dream world, everything was chaos." It really had been. He thought back to the swirl of colors and the way Allen looked about to break down and pushed it away.

"I thought it probably would be him," Komui said calmly. "But I don't think that's why you left in such a hurry. Something else happened." The man pulled his hands apart and lay them flat on the wooden surface of the desk, moving several papers on it. He glanced down at them before looking up at Kanda once more.

Kanda grimaced, giving himself away. _He guessed that you had feelings for Allen, idiot! He knows there's something more about it. A child could see that!_ He scorned himself mentally, not liking how sloppy he had been acting lately. "Yes there was something else."

"And what would that something else be?" Komui seemed to sense the fact that Kanda needed prodding before he actually said what he had come to say. He waited.

Again, the exorcist said nothing for a moment or so, then finally said, voice snagging in his throat, "He...thinks...I raped him." His gaze flickered down, a grimace on his face. He clenched his jaw in anger and annoyance.

"But you didn't," Komui said.

"Of course I didn't!" Kanda snapped angrily, looking up to meet Komui's gaze. "What do you think I am? I wouldn't do that to him!" He glared at the man seated before him, who was looking at him calmly. Did he actually think that Kanda would do something so...He ground his teeth together.

"It wasn't a question, just a statement. But in truth, you would be capable of something so harsh, I think," he conjectured. Kanda's anger flared rapidly, showing in the way his jaw twitched and eyes blazed. He fumed silently for several minutes, trying to gain control of himself once again. "Am I right?"

Kanda's navy eyes narrowed swiftly, his glare intensifying. "...Yes," he growled, glowering at Komui. "I'm also capable of cutting your head off, but that doesn't mean I would do it."

"I'm flattered that you think I'm important enough to not elicit a beheading," the beret wearing man said to him. Kanda was about to speak again when Komui cut him off. "But I understand your point, Kanda. You have control."

"...I guess you could call it that, but right now I really do want to do some damage," Kanda stated, arms crossing his chest. He was angry with Komui for saying he was possible of something so violent and lusty towards the silver haired exorcist. He knew they fought, but he would never...force...He tried to argue with himself, in saying that really, he wouldn't have forced Allen into it, but he knew that was a lie. There had been times when he wanted nothing else but to take him.

"So this is what you came here to tell me?" Komui asked after a moment, where Kanda was deep in though. "To tell me why Allen was so close to dying, and the reason why you weren't able to bring him back out with you?"

"...I don't know how to get him to believe me that I never did something like that," Kanda said with difficulty. He didn't like to admit that he needed help, but for this, he did need it. He was at a complete loss of what to do. He watched Komui silently.

The director gave a slow nod. "Let me think. And you should think as well...You need Allen to trust you. And you'll have to get him to believe that that never happened," he said.

"That's easier said then done," Kanda grunted. "Since its in his head, and I think he's having a hard time telling what's real and whats not, since its like a dream."

Komui was silent for several minutes, a calculating look in his eyes. He straightened all the papers on his desk into a neat pile as if to give his hands something to do. He pulled out one page and scanned it over, eyes flickering back and forth. Kanda felt slight curiosity towards what that piece of paper contained. "These are just notes, on everything we've compiled so far...But I doubt I'll find anything useful in it. You know everything, and probably more, that is written on this page."

"So what you're telling me is that you have no ideas on how I can make Moyashi trust me again?" Kanda growled, flicking a stray piece of hair over his shoulder in annoyance. He stood up, arms going to his side. "Thanks Komui. Very much."

Komui's eyes narrowed behind his glasses. "Kanda, you just need to give us time. We didn't know this before...It will take time. And in the mean while, you can try and think of ways to get him back as well." Kanda just threw a glare over his shoulder and left the office. He headed down the order hall, mind racing.

"Did he have any suggestions to how to help?" Kanda nearly jumped, not expecting to hear the voice of Lavi. He controlled his surprise, just glancing at the redhead who had fallen into step beside him.

"No," Kanda grunted, tossing hair over his shoulder, "and I don't know how to make that damned Moyashi trust me again. He thinks I did something like that to him...Tch."

The redhead watched him, keeping step with the samurai as they traveled down the hallway. "Maybe show him that you'd never do something like that," he suggested.

"And how exactly do you propose me doing so?"

"What, now I gotta have all the answers?" Lavi asked. "They're your feelings and your fantasies that got you into this mess..."

Kanda twitched but refrained from at least giving the Junior Bookman a sharp whack with his sword. "You're such a help..." he muttered. He needed time alone; time away from even Lavi, so that he could think more clearly. "...I need time alone..."

"Right-o," Lavi said and turned at the next hall. Kanda kept walking, heading out of the order, out in the gardens and the forest and the rain. He took a deep breath as the mist of the rain dusted his hair and his face. The smell was new and fresh, and reminded him of something. Settling down on a rock under a maple, he closed his eyes and tried to remember what it reminded him of.

_The smell of the rain is strong in the air, the sky dark and the tops of the low buildings are clouded in mist. Two exorcists take shelter under the canopy of a small, stick like structure, the only one that was open and for our use. I sit on the bench, hair half over my face and shoulders. The other is standing near the edge, looking anxious. _

"_Will you sit down?" I snap, not glancing up at Allen. "You're annoying me."_

"_I always annoy you, why is this any different?" Allen's voice is distance, and his hand goes to his forehead momentarily. I notice this. He has been holding his head for the entire mission. Something was wrong. I say nothing of this though, continuing to watch the silver haired exorcist. _

"_Tell me what's wrong," I say gruffly. Allen doesn't glance over, eyes still on the rain._

"_Nothing's wrong. I'm perfectly alright," Allen replies. "Isn't it strange for you to ask me if I'm alright or not?"_

"_Tch. Whatever...It's not like I care about you or anything. It's just that if you're hurt, you can't fight as well," I say._

_Finally, Allen turns to me, leaning against the support beam. "Right. You only care about if I can fight." For some reason, the way he said it told me that he knew there was something else to it. That he knew. Somehow. _

"_What the hell do you mean?" I ask, gaze becoming harder as I watch him, in an attempt to hide whatever he was seeing in me. I don't understand how, suddenly, he can see right through my defenses. _

_Allen moves over to me, silver eyes on me, knowing somehow. "I figured it out, Kanda," he says, voice calm, quiet, no more than a murmur over the rain that was hitting the already flooded ground. "I know why you ask that and I understand the look in your eyes."_

"_What look in my eyes?" I ask. Now I have to look _up_ at him, and it feels wrong. So I stand. _

"_The look in your eyes that you have now..." he says, "that tells me clearly what you want with me."_

_I freeze, unable to hide the sudden uncertainty that has flooded my navy eyes. How had Allen suddenly become so insightful, so good at reading people? "I don't know what you mean," I say in my defense, but I know it is a weak one. _

"_Stop being like that," he snaps and his anger flares in his eyes in an instant. _

_I fall quiet, silenced by the look in his eyes. I shock myself by this act, but he now looks furious and I know how strong he can be when he's angry. "...Fine," I say. "I do want you. And?"_

"_So is that why you're concerned? Because you don't want me to die before you can get into me?" he asks, a harsh note to his voice and I am certainly a little shocked by what he says. He understands completely what my unguarded gaze says. Except for now, I am able to hide the shock. Except for now, he doesn't understand completely how I feel._

"_Not entirely," I state in a matter-of-fact tone. "I would rather not have to drag you home in a coffin, and see everyone else cry over you."_

_He moves away from me, going to stand by the support beam. "Does that mean that, if you had the chance, you would...force me?"_

"_No." I don't hesitate in my answer, because it's the truth. I respect Allen Walker too much to take that away from him. His eyes are unsure and I can tell he doesn't trust me. I can understand. _

"_How do I know you're telling the truth?" he asks. I try to think about how I would make him trust me, and I couldn't think of any ways to do so. Allen closes his eyes for a long moment, a look of pain coming over his soft features. He never was good at hiding his emotions. _

_I take a step towards him, unsure of what I will say or do, and so I stop, looking passed him, looking out into the rain. And the mist is starting to spread even more, invading our space, seeping into our skin. Finally, I move closer to him. His eyes are still closed, and he does not move from where he stands, leaning against the support beam. _

_Carefully, slowly, I reach out to him. He does not move, and it seems like he is holding his breathe, as if he can hear me move and he is waiting for me to make that last motion. My fingers brush his cheek, slowly, carefully, sliding to cup the pale skin. His silver eyes open, looking at me. _

_For the first time, I think I see fear in his gaze. And hope. And suspicion. I go against my better judgment and press my lips against his, lightly at first. When I feel, not hear, the small gasp that he utters, I know I made the right choice. A small shiver passes through him and I draw away. _

_It is time to go. The rain is letting up. I turn, looking out. It is still very misty, but when I extend a hand from the shelter of the small lean-to, I feel no droplets of rain. "It's stopped," I say, voice rough, as I try to hide what has just past between us. "We better get going."_

"_...Yes," he replies and straightens, pulling his jacket straight. "Yes we should."_

Kanda opened his eyes slowly. Water droplets smaller than the eye could see had settled across his face and he could feel, when he moved, them forming into larger droplets, to run down his jawline and neck. He got up from the rock and shook his hair out. It created a small cloud of mist before it fell to the ground.

He knew what he must do, to make Allen trust him again. He stalked up in through the doors, shaking his shirt out. Even under the tree, he had gotten wet from the rain and he created a small puddle on the flagstone as he came in.

Kanda headed toward the infirmary room where Allen was being kept. He let himself in silently, and no one noticed as the door shut behind him. He went over to the bed and sat on the one beside it, watching the exorcist breathe. He got up after a moment and walked over slowly, like before, on that mission.

His fingers brushed Allen's cheek lightly and then cupped it, thumb brushing a strand of hair from the pale face. This was reminding him of a faery tale he had heard about. He had never had time to read such silly things as faery tales, but he thought Lavi had mentioned something sometime about a princess put under a curse and fast asleep, until true loves first kiss.

He had to scoff at himself for just thinking of such a thing, but as he watched Allen breath evenly, he wondered if something like that would even work. Kanda wouldn't say no to a kiss.

Leaning down slowly, his hair slid over his shoulder. His thumb traced Allen's lips before closing the distance and kissed him. Allen seemed to flinch slightly and so he pulled back, eyes on him.

Nothing happened.

Kanda got up, annoyed with himself for even thinking that something as idiotic as a kiss would wake Allen up. He ran a hand through his hair as he left the room. He would talk to Komui. He would tell him that he had an idea, and maybe it would work. It hadn't worked in real life, but, well, that had been a stupid idea anyway.

Kanda walked down the hall towards Komui's office. He spotted several people in black cloaks and covered faces before him, in the hallway in front of his destination and paused frowning slightly. What were people of the Vatican doing here? A feeling of unease came over him but he didn't let it show on his face. He continued to walk towards the office door.

The four figures standing there parted into two lines of two, on either side of the door. Kanda ignored them all and walked into the office. He stopped abruptly and the door swung closed of its own accord, the wood chaffing the back of his calf as it slid past.

Komui's eyes traveled from the man in front of him, to Kanda and the Japanese swordsman could see that the director had not wanted him to come in. For once, he regretted the fact that he never knocked.

"Ah, Kanda..." Rouvelier said, glancing over his shoulder. "We were just talking about you...You're an important part of this, are you not?"

Kanda's eyes were cold. He, like many of the other exorcists, hated this man, but his presence didn't scare him, as it did with Lenalee. He just turned to Komui. "I had an idea. I'm going to try it the next time I try to wake him up," he said, ignoring the man.

"Oh, I don't think you'll be trying that any time soon," Rouvelier stated, taking a small sip from his decorated china cup. Kanda turned his head slowly to look at the man, eyebrows raised in a scornful and slightly confused gaze.

"...What does that mean? Do you not want one of your precious weapons to be useful again?" Kanda asked acidly.

"Allen Walker is still under watch, because of his involvement with the 14th. And so, he is off limits," the man stated flatly, slender eyes on Kanda. "You will be allowed to continue your attempts once we fully understand the situation."

Kanda didn't take his eyes off the man for a long moment, then looked at Komui. The Chinese man nodded his head and said, "You may leave, Kanda. I think Lavi said something about wanting to practice with you. He is probably in one of the training rooms, why don't you join him?" Kanda gave a stiff nod, wanting to get away from this man, who confused him and made him rather wary all at the same time.

Rouvelier said nothing through this exchange. The only sound that came from him was the light noise of china on china as he picked up and set his tea cup off and on it's saucer as he drank. Without another word, Kanda turned around and left briskly. He wondered if Komui was flat out lying about Lavi wanting to train, or if it had been more like a message, telling him that Lavi was somewhere in one of the training rooms, for him to talk with, and discuss.

Maybe they would be able to talk through Lavi. Lavi wasn't bound by the Vatican like Kanda and Komui. He was able to move freely, under the title of Bookman, and he was able to keep information from everyone without getting in trouble. Well, maybe that would work. He wanted to first find the redhead. He needed to talk, to see if Lavi thought that the memory that had come back to him would help at all.

Komui wasn't lying. Kanda found Lavi in the meditation room, sitting against the wall, boots lying next to each other near the door. The samurai came in and locked the door behind him before kicking off his own shoes and going over to where Lavi was sitting. The redhead opened his emerald eye and grinned a bit.

"What?" he asked, voice cold as he sat down.

"You came," Lavi stated. "I didn't know if you would believe Komui...Don't worry, we're safe here. None of Rouvelier's men around here. I made sure of that."

"How'd you do that?" Kanda asked, looking at him slowly.

"I have charm, Yu-chan. Try it sometime, and see if it does you any good," Lavi said flippantly and interlaced his fingers together on his lap. "But, I think you wanted to talk, by the way you came looking. So...you think of anything to help the sprout?" His voice had lost that high and mighty sort of tone, and now was serious.

Kanda paused. "Not...sure..." he said slowly then focused on a point on the wall across the room, thinking. "Just a memory."

"Explain," Lavi stated.

"One of our missions," the long haired man said, "we paused under a shelter, because of the rain. He knew about my feelings, somehow."

"Oh, that," Lavi said, scratching the back of his head absentmindedly.

"What do you mean, _that_?" Kanda snapped, head turning to face Lavi swiftly, anger flaring up in his navy gaze. How did he know about that?

"Oh calm down, Kanda. You're not the only one who talks to me. I'm a rather popular guy you know? Anyway, it was when you two were back. You were more sullen and grumpy than usual, and Allen was quieter, so I poked and prodded, like I do best, and, well, he told me some things."

"...Like what? And why couldn't you have mentioned this before? It would've helped," Kanda said, annoyance saturating his voice.

"That you kissed him. That you answered very quickly when he asked if you would take advantage of him if you were able to, like you didn't have to think about it. He trusts you, Kanda. He trusts all of us. Maybe use that...and a bit of charm wouldn't help, ya know?" Lavi asked, a grin coming onto his lips. "Oh and...I think...you should try and confront those fantasies or feelings or urges or whatever you want to call them. I think that whenever you go into his mind, he picks up on them. That's how he came up with that."

Kanda fell silent, thinking. Sometimes, he felt incredibly slow compared to Lavi, although he would _never_ admit it. The Junior Bookman always picked up on things that he, Kanda, completely missed, or didn't think anything of, or would've just never thought of. He felt like an idiot around him sometimes. Although, this was only sometimes. Most of the time, Lavi just annoyed the hell out of him. But maybe he would stay like the new and improved Lavi, and be more bearable. Maybe. And maybe after all of this was all said and done, then he and Allen could be together.

He could dream right?

No. He couldn't. That's how he had gotten into this whole mess in the first place: dreams.

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**A.N.** Thanks again forwaiting (I hope you haven't forgotten about this story). Pleasepleaseplease review and tell me what you think. No dreamin' in this one...just a memory.


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